F*ck New Years Resolutions

Don’t fall for their trap, Star-Being!

Today we’re gonna talk about one of the most idiotic things that really just gets under my skin, especially as a coach.

I fucking hate New Year’s resolutions. I hate them so much! I understand setting up goals and looking at your year, I do think that is important, but the idea of New Year’s resolutions has been so manipulated by media.

Big companies use this time to manipulate you and make you feel like you are not enough so that they can make money – especially the health and wellness industry. Having personally worked in this industry for years… I have seen how they take advantage and target you.

This is something I will never do, star-being <3

January has been commercialized.

The new year has been commercialized to such an extent that its damaging the world and especially AFABs.

Let’s talk about toxic health culture. You start the new year in the middle of fucking winter. It’s cold. It’s a time of year where you want to isolate, be alone, go inward.

We have this weird pause between, Christmas, Hanukkah, December holidays and the new year where there’s nothing happening. You’re resting – as you should be.

It’s expected on the first of January to switch to transformation and productivity. It traps you in the damaging mindset of “it’s all or nothing.”

A lot of times most people set resolutions around health and wellness or weight loss, and so they buy that annual gym membership and they set this expectation that they’re just gonna show up every day and transform over night.

This is not how you form long term and consistent habits.

Sustainable habits come from slow integration. baby steps, Star-Being.

For some people, particularly AMABs (Assigned Male at birth), doing the same thing every day and getting into the routine works wonders. For them, following a lot of the diet exercise plans works because they operate on a 24 hour hormone cycle and their body literally resets every day.

But for AFABs (Assigned Female At Birth), We run on a 28 to 35 day hormone cycle, whether you have an actual bleed or not.

Setting sustainable habits as an AFAB

As an AFAB, your hormone cycle, also known as your infraidian rhythm, operates on a monthly basis. So, as we dive into this societal season of New Year’s resolutions, it is important to remember that these ideas of productivity, exercise and wellness that follows the same routine or foods every day – they are designed for the AMAB body and not YOUR body.

You are not “falling off the wagon.” These methods are not designed for your unique body.

To set up sustainable habits you have to first decondition yourself.

  • You are not crazy – your experience is valid
  • You are allowed to move slow. Ebb and flow with your energy
  • You know your body and needs better than an external source
  • The media does not define your relationship with yourself or your body. Fuck their standards!
  • Do not stick to something if it doesn’t feel right. Trust yourself.

Build a solid foundation of trust within yourself before you take that leap. Allow yourself to take small intentional steps that feel good for you. Build that trust in showing up for yourself and being confident in knowing what you need.

This expectation to go from a pause to a full on sprint is just a weird concept for me. If you’re in a pause, cool. Transition to stretching and feeling your body, then maybe a crawl, then stand up, then walk, then jog… there are so many steps the idea new years resolutions skips!

Look at nature as your guide

Nature is such a beautiful reflection for what we need as human beings. It’s also a beautiful reflection for how our bodies operate as AFABs.

Enjoy the slow build up of energy as we transition from winter to spring. As the weather slowly warms up – you, too, will slowly build up the energy for change and action.

Spring is when resolutions will feel more aligned to starting anew. You’ve spent this winter time reflecting, planning, and enjoying the pause. During this build up of energy, you can even plan your first steps, but spring will be when you feel more aligned to step into the action of doing.

An example of baby steps as we face seasonal depression and the pause of winter

During this season you may notice signs of seasonal depression. I know for me this shows up when…

  • I skip showers.
  • I don’t brush my teeth.
  • All I want to do is sleep.

What are the signs for you?

When you become aware of these signs, you know something is not an alignment. Something is off.

So how can you work up to your self-care again?

For me, I have to start with, okay, today I am going to get out of bed and I’m going to make the bed.

That’s it. Step one.

For me, I usually wash my face every day. And today I was not feeling it . I just didn’t want to, but I could feel the crust in my eyes, no matter how much I rubbed my eyes. The grogginess consumed me. I told myself, “I’m just gonna splash some cold water on my face.”

So, I splashed some cold water on my face and it felt so good.

I thought to myself “I’m just gonna do a little bit more water.”

When I splashed a little bit more cold water on my face and realized how good it felt – I ended up washing my face.

Taking the baby steps helped me realize how much I needed it and how much I enjoyed it.

But if I would’ve told myself, “I’m gonna get up and do my perfect morning routine today,” and then when I wake up and I don’t even wanna get out of bed… it makes even a simple task like washing my face feel like such a daunting task… and if I can’t do my whole morning routine, I can’t do it at all.

That is the all or nothing mentality that can seep in. I’m just not gonna do any of it.

How can you decondition yourself and move in small steps this season?

Sending you so much love and support, Star-Being

Alyssa Lilly


PODCAST and BLOG disclaimer: While I make every effort to broadcast correct information, I am still learning.  I will double check all my facts but realize that research and methods are a constantly changing science and art.  One coach or professional may have a different way of doing things from another.  I am simply presenting my views that will be as evidence based as possible. I welcome any comments, suggestions, or correction of errors. By listening to this podcast or reading this blog, you agree not to use this podcast or blog as medical advice to treat any medical condition in either yourself or others. Consult your own physician for any medical issues that you may be having. This entire disclaimer also applies to any guests or contributors to the podcast or blog.  Under no circumstances shall Alyssa Durham, Beautiful and Courageous LLC, any guests or contributors to the podcast or blog, or any employees, associates, or affiliates of Beautiful and Courageous LLC be responsible for damages arising from use of the podcast or blog.

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Non-binary STAR-BEING (they/them), nature lover, witch, parent of 2 littles.

Hi, I'm Alyssa Lilly.
Your New Self Embodiment Coach.

I am OBSSESSED with helping fellow gender nonconforming AFABs embrace their cyclical SUPERPOWER! I am sick and tired of our health and wellness spaces being toxic and overly gender dysphoric, so I am creating the container for you to learn about your body in a safe space!

I am a non-binary Star-Being, certified health coach, AFAB hormone health expert, creator of the Beautiful & Courageous YOU method, mind-body connection specialist, co-founder of the Weaving Magick Podcast and self embodiment advocate.

Learn more about me & How i can support you

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